


Cruel Jokes

by theroomstops



Series: Tiddies [2]
Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-10 22:37:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20535746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theroomstops/pseuds/theroomstops
Summary: “Did you get a new bra?” David hovered over her and admired their form. Studying the swell and curve as he traced it with his finger. “They looked really —“Nope. She couldn’t do it anymore. His lust-filled eyes were as intriguing as always, but the wandering hands had to stop. Serious bloody torture.David's affinity for Julia's breasts remain, and they both deal with a rather unexpected development.





	Cruel Jokes

**Author's Note:**

> David still loves Lavender and he still loves tiddies. This is happening solely thanks to Meral, who asked for this specifically - well done for making this happen _and_ spawning an idea. Your talent for making me do shit is... immeasurable. Apparently. But it got done. Still meant to be funny, so I hope you all enjoy it ☺️

She had tried several different positions in the past hour, all extremely uncomfortable. Finally, with a pillow right under her middle and leaning on her elbows she’d found somewhat peace. At least a bit of a break from the pain. And it was probably just the stress. Her body had felt off for a few weeks, back aches and now the burning breasts messing up her routine. Julia made a mental note to ask David for a back rub later. Maybe she’d even indulge a bit and schedule a massage after this project was safely in the bag, and she had more free time. She eyed the half-drunk glass of wine on David’s bedside table and the untouched bag of nuts on the other. Wine did sound nice, but she was actually still hungry. Constantly fucking starving for some reason. She leaned across and reached for the packet when she felt her legs pressed to the bed.

_David._ She could feel his warm breath at her neck. Wet lips sucking on the skin as he hovered above her. His hips angled behind hers as he reminded her of the time, and made every attempt to entice her to stop working for the day. Julia smiled to herself, and heard David's breath quicken as he rolled her over. He took her extended hand and pushed her onto her back. Made her forget about work, forget all about the mixed nuts, and the wine she had looked forward to all day, as he pinned her to the bed and sought her mouth. He pulled at her top, unbuttoning it quickly as he stared down at her, his eyes dark with desire and impatience. She’d asked him to wait for her, to let her finish the day's work and so he’d sat there patiently, watching some sort of a game on the TV in her bedroom as she worked. That had been over an hour ago, and now he was clearly done waiting. Kissing her softly as his hand moved downwards, unzipping her slacks and slipping his hand quickly beneath her knickers before a smile filled his face.

David's fingers worked their magic. Caressing her folds briefly before he focused his attention on her chest. He always lavished attention on them, and she would readily admit to usually enjoying both his playful hands and his obvious enjoyment of her body. And maybe the pain had subsided by now. Julia hoped. David’s eyes roamed excitedly as he threw the blouse to the floor. He kissed the top swell of her breasts softly. Pecking gently as he searched underneath for the clasp to unhook the bra. Feeling them fall free was like heaven. No longer constrained by torture disguised by black lace, Julia sighed in relief, and arched her hips towards him. That seemed to spur him on. David nibbled, bit into the skin there, let his tongue follow his teeth. All the things he usually did and that she thoroughly enjoyed but that now made her feel like she had been sentenced to some kind of punishment.

“These...” He was leaning just too much, and it felt like she was on fire.

“Shit. David, don’t.” She gasped, muttering underneath her breath. Panting into the room as he remained utterly focused on his task. He hadn’t heard her. Julia tried to steel herself. To ignore the pain in favor of the pleasing sensations she knew he was more than capable of giving her. She needed this. Three weeks now as the Prime Minister's anointed, the chosen one for his pet project. Stuck in meeting rooms with men with bad breath and stuffy egos, trying to get to them to sign off on something neither of them had wanted to begin with. Oh, she _**really**_ needed this. _Just focus, Julia._

“You’ve been working since 6 am. All work and no play makes Julia a very cranky boss...” His hand moved, cupping her left breast as he squeezed. Letting it fill the palm of his hand as he sucked on the nipple.

“_Fuck._” Her voice felt stronger now, though not by much. Gasping while David hummed against her skin, burying his face in the valley between her breasts as his lips left loving wet marks behind.

“Did you get a new bra?” David hovered over her and admired their form. Studying the swell and curve as he traced it with his finger. “They looked really —“

Nope. She couldn’t do it anymore. His lust-filled eyes were as intriguing as always, but the wandering hands had to stop. Serious bloody torture. “They’re actually really fucking painful, David. Get off!”

She regretted her tone instantly as she shoved him off and sat up. Rubbing carefully as she watched lust turn to confusion and confusion to disappointment. She hadn’t wanted his hands off her. Just off that particular part of her body. Her right hand reached for his just as he jumped off the bed and stood up.

David’s delicate relationship with rejection had remained unspoken between them. It hadn’t become an issue again and thus she hadn’t brought it up. It seemed destined to come up eventually, so she left it alone, to enjoy the warm, secret bubble they had enmeshed themselves in. But seeing the hurt in his eyes hurt her right back. He avoided her gaze as he stared at the curtain clad windows for a moment, breathing heavily, then turned to her with a far more controlled look in his eyes. But she thought, though she couldn’t quite see it clearly, that she could see the hurt lingering as he shot back with a distressed huff and a hint of fire in his voice.

“You don’t have to be a bitch, Julia. I can leave if you don’t want me.”

“David, that’s not what I—“ She reached for his hand as he tore the bedroom door open and walked briskly through the hotel suite, closing the door to his own suite firmly behind him. “Said. Shit.” 

She sat there in silence. Hoping he’d rush back and realize he was a hothead who’d misunderstood everything. Though she knew he was far too stubborn to do that. It was one of the things they had in common, their innate stubbornness. So if she were to guess, he was probably sulking. Stewing in his own annoyance and waiting for her to knock on his door and apologize. The way it has been in the beginning. Before they really knew each other. They’d both been headstrong then, they still were. And she could be perceived, and probably was a lot of the time, as aloof, she knew that. So could he. But in fact, if anything, she had become warmer. Opened up considerably since his annoying, pain in the ass rules and regulations had come into her life. Her eyes had been opened, and she’d found she had a lot to learn. She’d taught him some too. And all in all, she would say she was a far more pleasant version of herself than she was all those months ago. Before him. 

Except maybe the last few weeks. The last few weeks had been rough. She was constantly tired, and David's presence so close meant she slept less than she usually did, which was already not enough. She'd never felt more exhausted and less excited by her work, and she assumed it was partially to due with a thriving love life. She just felt drained. Physically and emotionally. She was on edge, and these days, he was usually the one thing that relaxed her. She probably needed a long vacation, but with the new PM counting on her for support after Vosler’s departure, she could bid that idea farewell for a while. And he was pretty damn good at taking her mind off of things. Yet, at this point, her body was so stressed it had started to do the oddest things. She hadn’t had her period regularly since she started the job, so that being late wasn’t a surprise. But the oddest cravings and now the frustratingly painful breasts were just adding to the list of things to be stressed about. She paused for a moment. The thought about the list again. Counting the days back as she slowly came to a realization. 

“Shit-”

She realized she probably came off like a lunatic. Railing at the guards stationed outside, insisting that Kim was the one to come along as she ventured outside. Though Kim would probably never look at her again after she forced her to take her shopping items and pay for them herself. Fucking rules that required every package delivered to be searched. The mortification of being at the mercy of your protection officer in such a personal moment, in such a public store. Not something she’d ever imagined. At least the store clerk had appeared oblivious. Happily chatting to what appeared to be his girlfriend while they tallied the items and handed Kim the bag as Julia pretended to be interested in the candy aisle.

And now there it was. Two simple lines that explained everything. And she was two closed doors away from the man she desperately needed to share the news with, yet had no idea how to approach. To apologize and even more so explain what had made him run away. 

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t noticed the weight gain, but it wasn’t obvious or over the top, and her weight hadn’t been anything she ever cared about, save for staying at a healthy one. She was actually happy, for a reason unrelated to her work and most her clothes still fit, albeit snugly, so what the fuck did she care if her trousers were a little tight?

She knocked on his door. Three quick knocks as she waited for him to open. Legally he was even required to. She was still his charge, and he was stationed there for her safety. 

“Can I help you?” His voice was flat. Distant. Clearly still hurt, his eyes avoiding hers as he held onto the door and postured slightly. His jaw clenched, definitely a sign of uncertainty. David always did that when he was uncomfortable, unsure of what to really say.

“David...” She pleaded. He walked back to the bed, threw himself on it and went back to promptly ignoring her. Well, if he really wanted to be this way. She walked away, returning five minutes later to find him still huffing in bed, pretending to be more interested in the news than he was her. But his side glances didn’t lie. She told herself not to push and left the brown bag on his bedside table, walked back to her bed and waited for his response.

_Who the hell did she think she was?_ Just when everything had been going on track, she had to... Well, he wasn’t going to look at it. Nope. She could just sit there in her fucking bed alone and be... grumpy. Not like she hadn’t been asking for this fight for over a week. A surprising lack of sex, not to mention the back and forth between cold and hot. Tonight was the first night in weeks that she wasn't finished at the Home Office closer to midnight. He'd actually looked forward to it. Happily agreed to letting her finish her last bit of work because here would be ample time for them after. Pretended to be interested in sports as he waited for her to climb on top of him and make up for every night when they'd both fell right asleep. But if she wanted to resort back to the cold games they’d started with, that was alright by him. He was fine without her. 

She’d probably come crawling back in an hour and put her hands down her pants again, just to apologize without apologizing. Hell, maybe she’d put her hand down his pants instead, to switch it up from last time. And now he was thinking about it. She’d put her hand all kinds of places since then, but not because she’d fucked up. Actually, she’d been open and willing to learn in the time that had passed since then. And not afraid to apologize for her mistakes. Keenly interested in knowing exactly what he liked and how, just so she could perfect every move and lick as she held him in the palm of her... Fine, so maybe he’d just read the bloody note. Nothing wrong with that. Find out if she was at least sorry for being such a bitch and flying off the handle over nothing.

_'Sorry I was such a bitch.'_

He nodded once. Hard. Fine, so at least she knew. One sentence. Honest and right to the point. Definitely his Julia. He opened the chocolate bar that accompanied the note as he took a deep breath. Getting him his favorite chocolate bar, another nice move. So, she was skilled at making things up to people. He knew that. Still, he needed a moment just to stay annoyed. He noticed a little stick at the bottom of the bag, took it out and stared at it for a few, long seconds, as if it was an unidentifiable foreign object. Small enough to fit in his hand, big enough to turn everything upside down. His day, his mood, his world.

_“WHAT?”_

Julia heard him all the way from her bedroom. She remained still. Heard the scurrying footsteps of a clearly shocked David Budd sound against the wooden floor as she stared into the room. He held up the stick in front of her. A clear expression of _‘What the fuck?’_ on his face, eyebrow raised as he stared at her.

“This a cruel joke? Shit like that isn’t funny, Julia.” She took a deep breath, steadying herself on her knees as she crawled closer to him.

“I _am_ sorry I was such a bitch. I really didn’t know what had gotten over me, and then... I didn’t _want_ you to leave, earlier, it was just really fucking painful. I’m sorry I pushed you away. But that, plus the fact that I’m more exhausted than usual and the few extra pounds as you so lovingly pointed out yesterday...”

“I meant that as a compliment...” David muttered quietly, staring at her as his mind continued to reel.

“I put two and two together and got... well, that.” She pointed at the stick clutched in his hand.

“This is for real? This is yours?” She nodded. A spectacular array of emotions played across his face as he took it in. Seeing her unfaltering gaze, it finally seemed to dawn on him that she wasn't joking. A half-wheeze sounded from his lips as he suppressed a smile, and he spun around once on the floor as Julia prepared the last part of the little bit of information she had managed to think of to say.

“It’s soon. And I’m on the pill, so I didn’t think....” His lips silenced her. Rubbed against hers as he caught his breath, one hand roaming underneath her sweater as he pinned her to the bed beneath him. Staring at her. Searching her face, kissing her neck as his attention moved further down.

“David, they’re still painful.” His hands skimmed over her breasts as he slid down.

“This is so surreal.” He lifted her top, caressing her stomach as he leaned down to press his mouth to it. “I hope they have your brain.”

“And your everything else.” Julia caressed the hair at his nape as David laid his cheek against her midriff. She felt an odd sense of peace rush over her as she felt his breath blow steadily on her skin as he took deep, measured breaths.

“They would get the best parts of both of us.” Julia closed her eyes and imagined it for a moment. 

David with his head over the stove preparing dinner, her work papers strewn across the table as she ran after a toddler with his eyes and her nose. Hair wild and untamed as she caught a sticky handed little human and carried them to the bathroom to clean up. It felt as if she had listened to endless moans and rants from old friends – back when she still had those, or at least the pretense of them – about how stressful dinner times were and how children never stayed still. The thing that stood out, the thing she could best recall right now were the constant mentions of little children with sticky hands leaving marks everywhere. It hadn't been on her agenda, so she'd filtered it out. She imagined tiny handprints on her carefully picked out wallpaper. The one that had felt like such freedom when she’d moved out of the dark, traditional townhouse she had shared with Roger. Finger marks on the coffee table and toys littered across the floor.

“Julia? Do you want to do this?” 

“I'm sure it would be chaos. First with the media, because of you and I, and then actually having an infant.” David's eyes softened as he hovered above her. Taking a deep breath as he caressed her hair, giving her time to share what was on her mind. “I didn’t think I would, you know... want to. Not ever. Not until I saw that second line. I’m not sure. I’m not certain I’d be any good at it.”

“Everyone feels that way.” Julia sighed. “Look, you’re firm and you’re clear spoken, which is a good thing. Kids need that. And you’re also really warm and funny. They wouldn’t understand your sense of humor for a while, but they’ll learn. We’d just tell them that mummy’s funny deep down.” She chuckled, and he smiled. She closed her eyes, stretching underneath him as her mind wandered quickly again. Back to the sticky hands and the dinner and work papers that were no longer prioritized.

“But you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Don’t do it because you think I want you to, and don’t _not_ do it because you think you wouldn't be good at it. You’re Julia Montague. You survived a fucking sniper attack. Fucking rain of bullets coming right at you.” David kissed her passionately, and she smiled at his vigor. Julia had never had anyone so completely on her side, so committed to proving his devotion. “Our government almost collapsed when Vosler went down and you’ve kept it alive. That idiot may be PM but you’re the one actually running the show, and everyone knows it. You can do anything you bloody want to. Even grow a wee one in there.”

“Wee one...”

“_If_ you decide that’s what you want.”

“I’ll think about it.” David nodded as Julia took a deep breath. “Because I shouldn’t decide now, right? This deserves careful thought. Not an emotional decision spurred on by hormones.”

“Aye. So,” David sat up, taking her hand in his as he moved carefully, so not to crush her underneath him. “What do we do now?”

“I’m quite sure Kim thinks I’ve been sleeping with Stephen Hunter-Dunn, so the sooner I clear that up the better off we’ll all be.” He looked at her curiously. “I had to get someone to take me to get the test. I didn’t want to risk a team roaming through my bag, which meant I had to get it myself, and I knew I could trust Kim to be discreet. She was surprised, to say the least. And then she mentioned my private meetings with Stephen three times in the thirty minutes we were out. Even noted the timing of it.”

“Craddock’s gonna have my arse. First for sleeping with you, which is bad enough.” David looked down, meeting Julia’s gaze with one raised eyebrow and a sneaky gleam. His hand against her stomach, partially covered by hers. “Then for getting you up the duff, which’ll get me another lecture.”

“Unless they have mine first, for seducing a subordinate.”

“_We_ did this. I wasn’t some blue eyed boy being seduced by the big bad hot wolf. We both wanted this. We’ll be alright, Julia.” He kissed her. Pressing his lips to hers, tugging on her bottom lip as he held her face between his hands.

“Right now, I’m of the opinion that they could take my job if it meant I could get some extra sleep and my breasts stopped aching.”

“Yeh, your tits are getting huge.” His eyes widened, boyish excitement radiating off his face as he smiled eagerly.

“Don’t look so excited.” Julia huffed, in mock offense, as she hid a smile behind teasing eyes. David barely noticed. His eyes locked to her chest as his palms skimmed across the swell of them beneath the cashmere sweater.

“They’re already bigger, they would be massive by the end. I could tell they’d grown, but I assumed it was just...”

“That little weight gain you accidentally mentioned yesterday?” She asked, her voice pointed but light as she tried to hide her amusement.

“You know that I don’t actually care about your weight, right?” Julia eyed him, nodding as she smiled. She didn’t doubt that, nor had she really thought about it much until earlier that night. His observation had been followed by an open hand sneaking across her behind as she’d prepared for work, obviously delighted, nibbling on her earlobe as her phone rang. His eyes had sparkled with wicked intention as he left the room to officially greet her good morning from his post outside her door. “Thought I’d won the lottery today when that pink blouse was a little tight up top.”

“Yes, your enthusiasm has been noted.” David leaned down, touching his lips against hers softly. Her hand swept across his forehead, running through his hair. “Sorry I screamed at you earlier. You were just so persistent down there.”

“Well, they’re just so nice. I couldn’t stop myself.” David grinned, as he looked down.

“If your boss knew how much of your work time you spent looking at my breasts,” A firm hand grabbed his jaw, her fingers scraping along that chiseled line as she leaned up to meet him halfway for a kiss. “You would be fired for endangering your charge and not paying any attention.”

“On the contrary, ma’am.” He muttered against her lips as he pinned her to the bed. “I’m paying very close attention.” 

He grabbed her wrists, held them over her head with one hand as he traced the curve of her neck with his lips. Releasing them only to pull the sweater over her head. No bra. David smiled to himself and cupped them, gentler this time. Julia moaned, not entirely unhappily, but David straightened up, sitting back as if he had been burned, and her pain eased. His breath was heavy, searching for ideas as he looked down at her, equally frustrated. This particular mix of lust and pain utterly unfamiliar. Julia pulled his face to hers, kissing him passionately as she made her intent clear. Making up for before, wishing the burning breasts would sod off so she could chase her sweet surrender as she had wanted to all day.

“What if you’re on top?” David muttered against her lips.

“What?”

“Maybe they’ll hurt less if you’re on top.” He rolled to his side, taking her in as he rested against his arm. She thought about his suggestion for a brief moment, before pushing her comfy slacks off and pulling on his trousers.

“If this is your way of getting out of doing the work...” David pulled his shirt off, and Julia panted as she pulled his pants off and threw them to the floor. 

“Purely out of consideration for your well being, love. Promise.” David groaned as she mounted him, tracing down his chest with her mouth before pumping his cock quickly with her hand.

Julia sighed deeply as she sank down on him. Closing her eyes with a long-awaited feeling of release as she rocked against him slowly. David's hands ghosted at her waist, settling behind her as she leaned down to kiss him. As her breath quickened and her palms held him down, David couldn't take his eyes off of her. Full – fuller – breasts swaying in front of him, her lips red and parted as she happily assumed control. Angling her hips just right, teasing and pleasing him exactly as she had come to know he liked it. 

His heart pounded as she raced them towards extinction. Fast and furiously as she made up for a week of barely making it to bed before falling asleep. His buttocks clenched as she burrowed her nails into his chest as she came. Moaning as he chased her release. Rising and falling back on the bed as he joined her and she fell exhaustedly on top of him, looking up at him beneath half-open eyes.

She returned from the bathroom, and climbed into bed next to him with a sigh. Relaxing into his arms as he wrapped himself around her. He kissed her neck, whispering words of affection in her ear as she lay there silently. He assumed her mind had returned to their quandary. Trying to find the answer to a question she'd never intended to be asked.

“What if we do have it?” Julia chewed on her lip, looking at David with almost endearing uncertainty. She turned in his arms, her face still dewy and flushed as she pulled the covers over them. “What happens then?”

“Chaos. Diapers. Sleepless nights.” David made a weak attempt at a joke. Laughing lightly, but fading quickly as her head turned away from him and he could feel her shivering in his arms. “Julia? I’m not going to leave you. Either way.”

“Not even when these are gone and we’re left with a screaming infant, running on no sleep?” She gestured to her bosoms and looked up at him with a hint of a smile. Her time to joke now. He almost laughed out loud, but beneath the smile, she looked hesitant and confused, and he felt equally unsure how to proceed. Didn’t want to push, and to a degree still surprised they were even having the conversation at all. She had mentioned before, in passing, that this had never been something she'd craved enough to prioritize.

“Not even then.” She attempted to smile, and he took a deep breath. “Look, I have kids already, so I know what it’s like. It’s the best thing in the world, but it’s also really hard. You can have both, but you can't have both 100%. It's not my life turning upside down, it's yours. Whatever you decide, I will never hold it against you. Not even for a second. Not in a fight, and not on a sleepless night. I am not Penhaligon. If you don't want to or it's not the right time, I’ll go with you to the doctors office if you want. No questions asked.”

“Thank you. Really could use a glass of wine right now.”

“Do you want me to run to the corner shop and get you something else?”

“Would you mind?” She asked, as he unwrapped himself swiftly and climbed out of bed before she'd even finished asking the question.

“I’ll be back in ten minutes. Text me a list.” David placed a quick kiss on swollen, red lips as he pulled his earlier discarded t-shirt and navy sweats back on. Julia offered a quick, distracted half-smile in return. Lost in thought as she saw him headed for the bedroom door out of the corner of her eye.

“Julia?” She turned at the sound of her name. “I’m happy. Either way, I'm really happy with you.” David cocked his head, his hand leaned against the door frame as he looked at her lovingly. A certain glint in his eye and a hint of cheek in his smile. She smiled back. Feeling relieved and confused and warm inside as she basked in the devotion radiating off his face. His breath hitched slightly. And then he disappeared. Off to fetch whatever she decided she wanted, leaving her to ruminate in her newfound uncertainty. Weighing her options carefully.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if you read this and hate pregnancy fics. I'm really sorry, and I understand it's not everyone's cup of tea. This actually wasn't my prompt, but I did jump at the chance, so I guess blame me too. And Meral. Definitely blame Meral. Or thank her. Whichever.


End file.
